foolish girl

Do you have a word that can send you to your knees begging for forgiveness?

I DO. I shudder when I hear it, my heart breaks when I think about it.

Contentment.

I hear it often in my heart. “Daughter be content.”

I actually can envision Him chuckling as he looks down on me saying “you foolish girl sit still and be content” 

Over and over again I try to out plan Him. To take matters in my own hands. To force plans that clearly are not working.

Then I hear it as clear as day. A deep rumbling in my heart that I am sure is Gods laughter.

Yesterday it happened in yoga,

“Contentment, Becky”

“yeah yeah I am good today”

“but are you?”

“yep good to go”

“how about with food”

“ohh that, I’ve just been hungry”

“hungry or not content”

“crap, okay I am busy here we will talk later”

“hahhaha little one, I will not be cast aside.”

“later”

“sit still my daughter and listen”

 

To be honest I hate sitting still and listening. I do not want to be corrected. I will gladly sit and be praised for good things but NOT corrected. A part of my personality that is not flattering.

 Then there is a negotiation that goes on,

“okay I have stopped trying to control where we are moving and when. I no longer check the e-mail and boards hourly. In fact I do not check them at all. SEE I LISTENED LAST TIME! I have not nagged Ryan or pushed him to be more assertive. I LISTENED! To be honest I truly don’t care anymore.”

“Silly girl, not caring is not the same as being content”

Then I hang my head in shame because I know, actually, I knew all along. That’s why I have been eating 2 whataburgers with cheese, a frosty (i don't even like frostys)and fries ( I even ate real bacon the other day… almost a whole pack). That is why I am never satisfied after a meal. Its why I have been sneaking extra food as the guilt laid heavy on my chest. I was not truly hungry I was trying to fill a void.

“you foolish girl sit still and be CONTENT” 

"content"

"yes, content in Me daughter"

the view at my table this morning

One of the things I love most about Bigger Hearts for His Glory is the amount of activities there are scheduled one of those is notebooking. Every 5 days or so in both history and science there is a project that combines things they have learned with art.

Today was a history notebooking where they drew the northern hemisphere from Europe to North America then colored and labeled it with Christopher Columbus's route. These are done by looking in a book and pretty much copying but it suits Summers need for art EVERY single day without being overwhelming for me. I love how these projects combine History, Geography, Handwriting and art. They take awhile but the conversation at the table is always educational umm interesting and sometimes there is a sweet silence as they work and their colored pencils scrape against the table.

First week of school

It was an answer to many many prayers.

Heart of Dakota isn't perfect but it fits well!

The open and go approach I was hoping for worked.

The days ran smoothly and were completed before lunch.

Learning was accomplished and laughter could be heard.

We even painted and are learning to play the recorder.

Can I just repeat a whole week with no tears!

There are some slight growing pains moving away from the workbooks.

Summer is no longer just filling in one word answers but she adapting quickly to the increased writing.

Millie is doing great but I need to re-evaluate her school. Wow that girl is a ready to go!

more later.......maybe

it never happens in "school"

 The "AHHA" moments never come during "school"

 They happen later..... hours days weeks but they do happen. They happen when the kids are playing. Like this morning when Emmett was kindly emptying my wallet for me and I asked Millie to pick up the contents and set it on the table. I found the contents of my wallet placed on the table organized first by size and shape then by color. Alright we can skip the sorting lessons I had planned for next month.

As a prideful person this is hard for me to accept. I want instant gratification. I want to introduce a concept see the light flash in their eyes as they perfectly accomplish the task the first time.

In this past year I have learned that it is much more meaningful and relevant to be able to see my children accomplish these tasks in their daily lives without coaching or coaxing from a over zealous mother.

Then came my AHHA moment my children's education doesn't stop because they have stepped away from the table. They learn all day every day through exploration and play.

a morning at the beach

You would think we would do this more but really there is only so much sand I can take a summer...

But this day was perfect!