Christmas eve

I am sitting here in my wool socks and sweater, the cookies are in the oven Christmas music is playing in the background. I had a huge coffee while shopping for grocery's at 6am. Ryan is out Christmas shopping with Summer. Millie is helping me bake and Emmett is sleeping.

I love what Christmas means to us, it is not a random holiday with a tree and presents but it is a celebration of the birth of Jesus!

As I sit here in serenity it crossed my mind at this time thousands of years ago Mary was beginning her labor. She was desperate for a place to have her baby. From a mother to a mother I am thankful for the sacrifice of body that Mary made. The pain that she was feeling and the sheer joy I know followed at the first sight of her beautiful baby.

How beautifully and dutifully Mary and Joesph followed Gods plans for them!


Tomorrow we celebrate the birth of Jesus and what that means for us!!! Today I thought I would shout out to Mary and Joesph for their role in bring The Messiah into the world.

Kefir

I have for the better part of 28 years dealt with stomach issues. Recently I read a great article on the benefits of this "magic" drink how great it is for you yadayada......

I was excited and on my next shopping trip was amazed to see a large section of Kefir apparently it was always there just ignored by me as I am rushing through the store.

As I am reading the labels that declare its amazingness. One even said "the champagne of dairy products"

The flavors and brands were numerous but my eyes landed on gingerbread flavored!!! SOLD!

This morning I poured myself a glass excited to try it. WOW was I surprised.

Nope not gingerbread flavored, really I can not tell you what flavor it was.

I'm going to keep forcing myself trying to drink it because my stomach needs the goodness this drink has to offer. I am just hoping one day my taste buds start to agree..

I miss that guy!!!

The first years of our relationship I remember standing at attention in formation trying to catch a glimpse of that guy.

The tall one always in the front row. 

If we were running he was the guy that passed me twice each lap that I watched wishing I could run like him.

The one with the quick wit and humor half the people didn't get.

It is pictures like this that make me miss that bond we shared. The understanding of what he is going through because I was also going through it.

But more than anything when I see pictures like this I feel left out because it is a memory he is making without me....

5 days till he is home for a break!!!!I can not wait!

Blood infection

For over a month now I have been dealing with symptoms that I assumed were depression. The kind you get when you are alone and moving with 3 kids and a stressed out husband who calls once a week.

I felt good for identifying my symptoms and dealing with them by making sure I worked out, getting outside, and going to church.

Well I was wrong.

A fever developed, fatigue started to set in and my joints became sore I had a bladder infection that spread to my kidneys and into my blood stream.

I am exhausted but feeling better now that I am on antibiotics.

Uyrosepsis isn't something to mess around with and the DR let me know that. I tried explaining that honestly I hadn't felt that bad for past month I just thought I was sad. He was unimpressed and lectured me on taking care of myself for my children.....

Then I tried to explain that even that morning I had gone to the gym and worked out for over an hour trying to fight through the depression.Once again he was unimpressed.

Well now I am feeling a bit better and the bacteria was not antibiotic resistant like they feared.

This couch and I have become very good friends and I don't even feel guilty that I plan to spend the rest of the week on it relaxing and trying to pull it together.

PS now that the antibiotics are working I don't feel "sad" anymore guess that DR was right ;)

So much....

I have so much flying around in my head these days I have not wanted to blog because i don't know where to begin.

Emmett screamed all Saturday. If you don't believe me Ryan's mom got to hear it on the phone for an hour. I was so upset I cancelled all our plans and spent the day dealing with him.

The next morning we were ready for church and I sat down on the sofa in a surprise pile of vomit. Nope I had no clue that sometime that morning someone had thrown up. I found Emmett curled behind the couch apparently he was the culprit and didn't want to get in trouble so he hid. (This was his first time getting sick hopefully he knows now not to hide but come get EXTRA mommy snuggles)

The library here sucks is not that great. It is almost crippling because I rely so 'heavily on the library for school and recreational reading. Here is why you can tell me if I'm just being sensitive.

-You only get partial library privileges for 6 months until you prove yourself responsible (I'm screaming military discrimination just saying that is 1/2 an assignment for us)
 
-That means 2 books per card. (really I home school 2 books for a family of 5 ha)

-so now everyone has a card, yup carrying and managing 4 cards.

- I have NEVER seen another child in there and they stare at mine the whole time. I know they are talking and it is the library but they HAVE to ask me questions they  are kids.

Summer is about to get her first reality check. She has never not been a starter in any sport she has played, not to brag but sports are her thing. Here I put her in basketball and it starts tonight. It has not taken me long to figure out football is big here but not like in Oklahoma this is Women's Basketball country. The girls start young and play hard. As the coach mentioned to me "We will be working on a strong fundamental base for these girls so they are competitive for highly sought after college scholarships" By this she was saying we aren't here to win in a sloppy way they would rather have the girls master the concept and lose than win by playing street ball. I'm pretty sure Summer is 100% street_baller, throw an elbow here, foul over there. Don't know where she got that from ;)

okay more later

Precious time

Time with daddy..

There is nothing that will make you appreciate time more than knowing it is limited.

The days with Ryan were filled and were perfect.

 

Thursday (thanksgiving)

          Breakfast at the Pancake pantry, drive and hiking in the smoky mountain, craft show then a buffet for dinner!

Friday

                Doughnuts, getting daddy new workout shoes, lunch at Olive Garden,  Magi-quest where we became fairies, Then I made lamb, pita, hummus, Greek yogurt for dinner.

 

Saturday

            Made daddy breakfast in bed, snuggled, went and bought Christmas trees and decorations, then decorated the house with dad. Ci-Cis for lunch.  Then after lunch we said good bye.

             The rest of the day we are trying to relax. I bought some play-doh and a Barbie movie. We are also making a countdown chain. 21 (now 17) days until we get to see him again but these breaks are a huge blessing! 

 

 

Thanksgiving

There is no turkey in the oven........

No pie waiting to be eaten.........

No family or friends to fill our house.............

There will be no shopping.........

No elaborate toasts........

But late last night hours after scheduled our Daddy came home...

Its for only 2 days

Its for 2 amazing days!


The plans include

Doughnuts,

Going out to eat turkey,

lots of hugs......

lots of kiss....

reading board books...

playing cards.....

tickles...
tickles

tears...

what am i supposed to do?

Really I want an answer.

Emmett my energetic baby boy is pushing me to my limits

in the past 24 hours he has

put his finger in a light socket and shocked himself
broken a toe nail completely off
thrown a whole thing of granola on the floor
eaten yet another yellow marker (it always yellow)
pulled a whole rack of medicine over at walmart
yelled through Walmart
Screamed through kroger
peed on the bathroom floor (on purpose i think)
Yelled at me

Help!

I can not just hole up in the house.
I have to do the shopping, there is not anyone else to do it.
I have to go to the bathroom, no explanation needed.

Today I loaded the kids and groceries in the car closed the door and stood there for a minute basking in the silence. I knew in the car he was still screaming and Millie was still whining and Summer was I have no clue what but she never stops talking now. So i stood outside the car with my coffee closed my eyes and regrouped.

What is even more frustrating is in museums Emmett is perfect, on historical tours not a peep. He sees a store and he turns into a monster.

I know your not supposed to wish time away but.............

Tuesdays with Morrie

I read a alot. I do not even keep track of half the books I read. I LOVE to read, it moves me.

I have lots of books that have spoken to me but no book has ever moved me like

TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE by Mitch Albom

Reading the book which overall is a happy one had me curled in a fetal position in tears.

The lessons in this book speak to me personally. Lessons on

Living
Loving
marriage
ageing
death
dancing

I highlighted this book like I would a text book some of the quotes will become my lifes mantras.
I want to write so much more over the power of this book, the personality of the man it is about, the love the author, a former student, had for him. NOTHING I write is good enough.

All I can say is

I hope I listen like Morrie
I hope I love like Morrie
I hope I dance like Morrie

Morrie a picture from the book!

internet

I have internet and cable again!!!!!

I was going to try to go without both while I was here.

 I read all these great articles about people not using internet often or turning on the tv for only 1 or 2 hours a week.

LETS GET REAL... (that's going to be my new saying I think)

I like to fall asleep to the tv and since I didn't think to bring any DVD's I was watching the same NCIS episode over and over.

I use google often for school.

And if we are really getting real, I do use the TV as a babysitter as I cook or take a shower or just try to think for a minute or two.

I really like netflix! Being able to Skype people is important to me.

Is my tv always on? NO

But to I enjoy having it? YES

What are my TV limits? I try to limit it to one hour a day okay that was a lie some days it is 2 hours for the kids and for myself some days I never turn the TV choosing to read and on other days I do not limit it once the kids are asleep I almost never watch TV while the kids are awake.

What are my Internet limits? My kids are never on the computer ( why? I really don't know besides it is a HUGE hassle no deep reason)  for myself. I read blogs every morning while drinking coffee, I pintrest usually once a day for 10 to 20 minutes. I have been off of Facebook for I guess 4 months but I am thinking a once a week rule would keep me in touch with friends with out being caught up in the drama (and a big revamp of my "friends" will help to)

What I do not want the Internet to do is take the place of personal relationships. I do not want to blow off the lady at church who wants to have coffee because I have plenty of friends online. Get it?

Really trying to use the time God has given me to analyze my life to really analyze why I do things and the effects that it has on my life. What I learned here?  internet/cable not bad just use with caution!!!!

October reads

( I have so much to blog about this really seemed like the easiest start)

With Ryan being gone I have decided to dedicate a large portion of my free time to reading memories from the Holocaust. You know the books that are to long and emotional to read when you are trying to pump out a 20 page paper in 2 days.

In October I began with

I Survived Rumbuli By Frida Mikhelson translated by Wolf Goodman
http://www.amazon.com/I-Survived-Rumbuli-Frida-Mikhelson/dp/0896040291

This is an interesting first account of a Latvian Jewish woman who survives the massacre in the Rumbuli forest by hiding in a clothes heap then living at the mercies of strangers bouncing from house to house. The book was worth reading it really depicts worst in people during the time as people turn on the Jewish for monetary gain or favor in the eyes of the Nazis and it depicts the best as whole families sacrifice precious food and risk death to keep others alive.

Rena's Promise By Rena Kornreich Gelissen with Heather Dune Macadam http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0807070718/ref=sib_dp_pt#reader-link


A story of two sisters who separately arrive at Auschwitz and miraculously find each other and their fight to stay together and survive each day. Together they fought and survived in Auschwitz for over 3 years then also survived a death march from Auschwitz and were liberated by Allied forces. This book is so real and raw just scratching the surface of what they must have been going through physically  and emotionally.

Today

Well I just thought that I'd hope on her and make a quick note about how "fun" it has been to watch how each person in our family handles the stress from moving.

Ryan- Gets short, the joking slows and things that usually would have him smiling don't

Becky- Gets crazy, Happy one minute and yelling about never being prepared the next.

Summer- Gets mean, she says things to try and hurt Ryan and I. good thing we recognized it as her trying to take control of the situation that is out of her control otherwise we might be down one child after she called me fat. ( note to future husband she aims to injury severally when she is hurting.)

Millie- Gets unsatisfied, with everything food cloths life in general. I don't think she has eaten in2 days even a precious lunchable tasted yucky.

Emmett- Right now he is just loud, it is possible he has gotten louder!

Now to go get ready for the movers and hug my family!!!!!!

Movers

The movers come tomorrow and our days have been JAMMED packed.
Leaving a community that we have been so connected in is difficult!

Friday
- Jenn and Andrea took all the kids to see Sesame Street at the USO and to lunch.
   Emmett and I stayed home and cleaned the garage. (he is a yeller so no shows for us for awhile)
-Then Friday night was Millie's soccer party.

Saturday
- Last Soccer games
-Then when I was supposed to be going home and cleaning for an hour but I talked to a new friend whose husband is deployed and she has a 3 week old and 2 kids Millie and Summers age.
-Then Summers pizza party
- a run to the thrift store
- then a last get together for the kids at the carnival with some soccer friends.

Sunday
- Church
_work in the nursery
- go with Courtney to lunch
-Decided that wasn't enough time invite them to the house to play in the back yard.
-kids nap
- never mind no nap Andrea rushed Lincoln over because he was having an allergy attack. (we are kind of the go to people now that Emmett keeps having them)
- Our Church going away put on by the youth (They even invited our adult friends from church which is very thoughtful of the youth)

Monday
- cleaning Ryan is cleaning I am in denial and am drinking coffee reading blogs.. I think he is giving me the stink eye from outside.
- Ryan's going away luncheon for work.
- tonight making time to watch and support my dear friend release a lantern for her daughter Emory who went to see Jesus just minutes after being born.

Tuesday
-movers


I suppose i should do something

last days and nothing with depth....

 

9 days and counting till we leave Florida.

Before Pictures

Our plans to spend the last of our free time relaxing on the beach has been cancelled.

Saturday after the girls soccer games we packed up to go on what was to be our first and last ride on a boat in Florida. The day started out beautiful, the kids were behaving and literally
I was thinking how those were the memories I want to keep of Florida.

Before Pictures

The boat ride ended 30 minutes later in a pool of blood as we rushed to the ER.

Summer was running along an undeveloped island in the waves and sliced her foot open very deep.

After practicing my rusty buddy care knowledge from basic we bandaged her up with pieces of Ryan's shirt. Swam back to the boat and started to rush towards shore.

Then we hit the wake of another boat and Millie slammed her face into the side of the boat. She ended up with a huge knot on her head and both nostrils bleeding.

 5 hours in the ER later, we realize Emmett had slept through lunch then all chaos happened and he had not eaten since breakfast, Ryan was shirtless because we ripped it up for Summer. I was in a bathing suit and our kids were bruised and battered.

 Summers only cried when the Doctor explained her soccer season was over. Millie only cried when she realized Summer was getting stitches. Those are 2 tough girls!!!

After Pictures

I also have been struggling to find any depth in myself.

Some meaningful words to say to friends.
Tears for the friends I will miss.
Laughter over our time here.


I have nothing.
I am not happy
I am not sad
I can't laugh
I can't cry.

I know it will come and probably once we are gone...

But every time we move I can not help but wonder..... am I a robot?
Where do my feelings go during a move?
Why do i watch tears of friends with none in return?

Our important things to know.

(beyond the basics)

 

Hopefully I get to a post about the basics but this is a list Ryan and I discussed at length during a nap time lunch date we like to try and schedule. Usually we pick something important and talk and plan it to death before the kids get up. This topic was fun because they were things that we had not been introduced to before college or are being taken out of public school educations as we speak. The might be considered the fluff to the rest of the world.

 

cursive : this is one that is being removed from public schools. I want my children to be able to read our historic documents themselves with out a translator for their own language. (besides I am a girl and its just soooo pretty)

 

The presidents: This is on here for 2 reasons. I took many history classes and never learned them until wasting many weeks in college when I should have been focusing on their history not just their names. Ryan has actually never had to take a history class. Not in highschool or college. He fell through the cracks (he also started college before graduating highschool and it took the school 2 years to figure it out)

 

Basic state history for each state: This includes capitals, major landmarks , general climate and a few key items from history. I want them to be able to place major events in history in their correct location not just on a timeline.

 

Extensive vocabulary / Latin: We both agree that this helpful for many parts of their education including comprehension/ testing/ linguistics/ grammar/ scrabble.

 

Piano: We both wish we knew how to play so family lessons are in our future.

 

Foreign languages: at least 2. We are linguists its important to us. It is up to this point our life's works. I am thinking French and Persian (Farsi) to start because believe it or not they actually are related because of the french presence in Iran. Maybe I'll teach Ryan too so we at least have one language in common.

 

Art history: I do not want my children to walk into museums and not recognize anything there.

 

World geography : Including landmarks, languages, religion and its history and culture.

 

civics and anthropology: two classes we did not take in highschool we wish we had.

 

English history and literature: this includes royalty, government structure, and an extensive knowledge of Shakespeare. To me it is just like learning the earliest parts of American history it is who and why we fought for our freedom.

 

Periodic table: lets just take a minute to be honest and not judge me, I still do not know it or get it and I may have cheated on the test. My kids will not have that problem.

 

Like I said before there are things not mentioned here but for the most part they are in what would be considered a normal scope and sequence of most programs we would choose.

 

Do you think I missed something? Let me know!!!

Have a different list? Let me know!!

I am open for new ideas!!

 

Long term October:

To homeschool or not?

 

The reason we homeschool is because we were not satisfied with the way our children's educations were going.

Going to school 2010!

 

Having moved many times and many more moves pending I could not sit through another parent teacher conference in where the point out the inconsistencies of Summers education. She had by second grade moved in the middle of every school year.

 

We had great schools and great teachers we have even had bad schools and bad teachers. The only constant in the children lives was me.

 

But I had thought about it once before when Summer was in kindergarten.

 

After sitting in a circle of women where I was ridiculed, belittled and degraded (actually I maybe describing this nicely) for even thinking about homeschooling I decided against it.

 

I ran alone (Ryan was gone for 2 months) inside crying where a newly opened box of curriculum was waiting for me, taped it up threw it in the back of a closet and was done.

 

School 2011

 

Fast forward several years, not to toot my own horn but I had matured greatly in those 3 years. Sitting in church one day the pastor was preaching on being scared about what we are called to do. Weather your Christian or not I am sure you can relate to fear controlling your life if you let it.

 

Then the pastor said " Some of you are afraid to....."

 

and he began listing things. I had tears streaming down my face because I do have a personality that can be RULED by fear.

 

Then he said it.............. "homeschool"

 

I have been homeschooling since. At first I did not tell anybody afraid of failing, afraid of being ridiculed but then slowly I began telling my closest friends and family and so on.

 

So for our family the question about homeschooling was from the beginning a big YES it just took me awhile to actually say YES!

 

School 2012

 

 

 

 

 

 

Long term October:

Reviewing our educational goals.

Can you tell I have had school on my mind lately!

I really can not tell you the reason except for it is a pretty consuming task and I enjoy being consumed. .

Well I read an article last week about long term Homeschool goals. I just have not been able to let it go. So I've been making list trying to decide exactly what our long term goals are.

I read that by setting these goals you actually are cutting planning time in half. When you go to search for a curriculum change, math text or literature program you can easily wade through most of them if they don't align with your education philosophies and long terms goals.

Read: MAKE MY LIFE EASIER. (I'm in)

Now a disclaimer. I plan for these to be fluid as the years go by they are more meant to be a gentle guide rather than an absolute.

This whole month I plan on reading and writing on our long term goals regarding our children's education.

Why you ask because it is important to me, because as of right now I don't even know our long term goals and I value others thoughts regarding the topic.

What this is not meant to be
       is a validation of any kind.
       an absolute, long term goals are a personal choice these just happen to be ours(for now).

Here are the topics I plan to write about throughout the month.

To homeschool or not?

Short term or long haul?

Our educational philosophies?

Education timeline.

Our important things to know.

Our important places to go.

Our important things to do.

Our important books to read.

     

One month

SCHOOL

One month into our school this week. Heart of Dakota is still going strong for us!

Last year just getting school done was work. I dreaded it the kids dreaded it and many times I took the easy road.

This year the struggle I am having is fitting in a daily curriculum into my get out of the house for school style . So far just being relaxed and not stressing about what unit and day we are on compared to school days is working (unit or week 4 day 3 in case anybody is wondering how far behind we are.). The girls LOVE doing school, there are some items or things that are working for us above and beyond or included in Bigger Hearts for his glory.



Cheerful cursive and happy handwriting

Both girls use these books and they love them!I love that they are not writing on a dotted line but filling in a letter. It has helped both with their confidence while improving their handwriting.

Dreambox learning.

Okay so we are still just working on the trial, and to be honest I usually do not like to put the kids on the computer. It is 20 bucks a month which I thought was high before getting the free trial now I know ill pay it. It is not a math game like others it actually explains to the players how and why to solve EACH problem even if they get it right. I think I read on the website and it seems very true that they try make the most use out of each instructional moment.

So in summary one month into it and the kids are learning and growing. We are all still happy. I'll call that a win.

I abandoned our homeschool playdate

Last year when I started homeschooling I joined a play group. Then grudgingly I dragged myself and my children to a park, in the middle of the day (hot) on Wednesday (our long day). I would try to squeeze school in before and after. I tried making friends but found myself leaving stressed and frustrated because I was not building any deep relationship. Actually It was good to make it through a day were the other moms didn’t stare at me mouths gapped for some comment I made or my kids made.

In my head this scheduled “recess” was necessary. Then something funny happened, I STOPPED going! I do not remember one mothers name, the girls never asked why we stopped.

What replaced that is truly one of the most beautiful things I have encountered.

I have two friends. One home schools , one is a teacher.

Our children get along. Our Husbands get along. We get along.

On random nights text messages start flying our phones start going crazy…

“tiger point park”

“when”

“We leave 20mns”

“K behind you”

“Wilsons coming?”

“yep”

Then with our husbands and children,  some or all of us show up at the park we sit on the bench and there is a comfort that comes from a special friendship as we take turns wrangling kids not just our own. We cheer for a baby walking and not just our own. We love on children and not just our own. There isn’t segregation between men and women the kids are not ignored but in some strange flow everyone becomes a family. 2.5 hours later someone realizes the sun is down and its past bed time.

Sometimes if we feel lucky we try to eat dinner together, sometimes we realize that the men had their own text messages flying and they want to catch a movie after (hum no wonder one husband just randomly drove separate! Sneaky guys).

I remember their names, I know their stories. My children love them.

So I abandoned our homeschool playdate!!!! for actual personal relationships!!! and realized once again that I don’t have to follow the crowd but do what is right for my family!

It will end with this house.

This year as I looking through pintrest I came across packets and ideas for teaching about September 11. At first interested I began tossing the idea around (along with election and Olympics).

 I tossed it aside. I did not agree with how the subject was being presented.

My children will learn about the event that took place even before they were born. They will understand the reason it affected their lives specifically.

 However when they learn of that day it will be based on an understanding of extremists.

I hope to pass on to my children just as was passed on to me a love, a deep unwavering love for every culture/ religion.  I also hope to pass on the understanding that each culture has its extremists and that these extremist have through history and will continue to wreak havoc on the relationships of the world.

I am a Christian.

I have been saved, asked Jesus Christ into my heart.

I have Jewish friends.

I have Muslim friends

In fact it may surprise many of my friends but I have….

Worn traditional Muslim head coverings

Read passages of the Quran

Lite candles on a Menorah.

Spun a dreidel.

I enjoyed learning about and even participating in these traditional activities.

When I teach my children about 9/11 it will not be attached with a wrong label like “Terrorist Muslim men attacked the primarily Christian United States.”  It will be truthful

“Men who were extremists and corrupt; who perverted a religion and used it as an excuse to demean another culture and murder innocent people by ……..”

As the rest of this week events unfold I think the same thing….

“That a perverted and corrupt man used a movie to demean another culture/ religion and another group of perverted and corrupt men used it as a chance to attack and murder…….”

I have had enough these men are not Christian, Muslim or Jewish they are corrupt. They are criminals, terrorist who achieve their happiness by inflicting wounds on others. These men do not deserve a religious label. These men do not speak for the bulk of the population but in fact are a minority.

So to my Christian, Muslim and Jewish friends the mothers and fathers of the next generation it is my promise to you that my children will love your children not matter your culture and religion. That the false labels and hate will end with my house!

It is my deepest wish that others join me. That the change in our hearts, that the love for one another is seen by my children and their children.  

Hanscom

That is where we are headed. BIG blessing since it was #2 on our list and because i wrote such a whiney blog yesterday!

Hanscom AFB is located 20 miles from downtown Boston.

Just looking at the base and surrounding area last night it has some unique options for families!

More to come!

It happened last night

I made the mistake of looking at the calender.

My heart started racing......
My voice rose a few octaves....
My skin became clammy....

4-5 weeks and still no orders

4-5 weeks and I have not began cleaning.
The house is only partially organized.
clothes are not sorted.
I don't even have winter clothes that fit.
they are going to have to start showing the house. That will be new and interesting.

Ryan is leaving for 2 of our last four weekends.
School must go on.
soccer games and practice 5 days a week.
Youth and church.

Then Ryan reminded me.
We don't live on base! We already payed a cleaning deposit.
My house is fairly clean and with a few hours work will be ready to show.
I actually sorted clothes a few weeks ago and just forgot!
Really am I making shopping for me an issue and not a reward that I rarely get to do!
I already had a garage sale.
I already have a dump pile (outside stuff because everything here grows because of the humidity)  and a donation pile.
We have a friend with a truck willing to help us haul the piles so it takes one trip!

Seems I was getting ready with out my Master List of doom.

Now off I go to make my Master List of DOOM!

updates!

 I stopped running about 2 months ago. It had again become painful to run on the treadmill and outside well we will just say that isn't an option for several reasons. This morning though some girlfriends were doing a poker run on base. Their sales pitch to me was that it was a "fun" run!

(I will forever more be weary of anyone who speaks those words together. Rewarding, satisfying, worthwhile yes, fun nope I have never really thought running was "fun"!)

So after 2 months of not running, I still work out daily just not running, I did a 4.7 mile poker run. My friends are training for a half marathon in November so they kicked my butt. I was at the back of the pack but after 1 hour and 5 minutes I completed the run without hurling quiting.

Once again I could have cried but this time I did not have a sense of accomplishment as I crossed the finish line,  Ryan's co-workers and my friends (who all finished way in front of me) watched, with the girls beside me.

 I was initially embarrassed. Ryan sensed my unease as did another friend and they kindly turned the attention else where. After some thought and regrouping I realized I was embarrassed because Ryan would have won the race, his friends would have cheered as he received his awards and gifts. Here I was Ryan's wife and he would have finished the race 3 times in the time it took me.

When we walked to the car Ryan put his arm around me and waited for me to gather my thoughts. I apologized for embarrassing him with my time.

He stopped me right there. He told me how proud he was of me, that everyone was. That just because I am his wife I do not have to be a fast runner and that I should never let the time I run something in stop me from running. That if he had not ran in 2 months he would have not even placed. He lied, he would probably still would have won but it was a cute attempt.

So here I sit with my coffee and coffee cake (my reward who needs medals), after much thought I finally feel that since of accomplishment! I was tired, out of shape for a run that long and self conscious about my abilities and that is okay!

(thanks S, M and E you are the reason i finish every single time)

So here are my fitness updates for this time around(after Emmett)

• Starting weight 162 (November 2011) current weight 131(September 2012)
• 3.2 mile mud run
• 4.7 mile run
• favorite cardio is spinning
• favorite recovery/ stretching hot yoga
• I work out 6 to 10 hours a week
• I started out working out 10-14 but cut back! 
• I have lost almost 10% body fat
• have stopped trying to lose weight (if I do great but I am comfortable where i am at for now)

Is homeschooling lonely????

A question asked at one of the blogs I stalk read. Except this time I actually replied! Stepping out!

Picnic 2012 Arizona with papa while hiking.

 

my answer....

I live in a community with many homeschoolers and have plenty of friends that homeschool. I found that homeschooling for me is lonely because of the choices I have to make. To go to the gym and work out for an hour and leave not stopping for coffee or to talk because getting home at the right time is essential to the flow of our day. Same with missing activities that regularly interfere with our nap/ quiet time. Lunch or brunch with girlfriends is regularly off the table because the kids are not at school but with me. This is where I am self aware that my loneliness stems from mourning the loss of that part of my life. The relationships I am building with my children are defiantly more important and the benefits of homeschooling outweigh the negative. That however, does not mean there are not days I do not mourn the loss of drinking a coffee in silence or having a quiet lunch with a girlfriend and when that happens homeschooling can feel lonely for me.

I took the challenge

I DID!!! I signed up for the 100 postcard challenge.

Today the sermon was part of a series called iServe.

Which is about service we specifically talked about serving who Jesus would have served and who that would be.

Then I clicked on Holly's link to see what her post was all about and my heart skipped a beat.

http://www.ijm.org/100-postcard-challenge

I talked to Ryan about signing up and as we did I had tears in my eyes... totally stepping out of our comfort zone.

 

This is just a start to what I hope is a BIG change in our lives, last year we made the move to serve in the church and it has greatly changed our lives.

 

Then today before reading Holly's link I stood before our church family and made a public proclamation to serve those outside the church. To serve the poor, the captive, the blind and oppressed.

 

Twice in the past week or so 2 separate friends, Melissa and Kiley, expressed the need for school supplies and other items for children in Africa! Then Holly post this!

 

Two things

•  Don't I have some AMAZING friends! Really such passionate women who love the Lord!
•  Who wants to join me?

foolish girl

Do you have a word that can send you to your knees begging for forgiveness?

I DO. I shudder when I hear it, my heart breaks when I think about it.

Contentment.

I hear it often in my heart. “Daughter be content.”

I actually can envision Him chuckling as he looks down on me saying “you foolish girl sit still and be content” 

Over and over again I try to out plan Him. To take matters in my own hands. To force plans that clearly are not working.

Then I hear it as clear as day. A deep rumbling in my heart that I am sure is Gods laughter.

Yesterday it happened in yoga,

“Contentment, Becky”

“yeah yeah I am good today”

“but are you?”

“yep good to go”

“how about with food”

“ohh that, I’ve just been hungry”

“hungry or not content”

“crap, okay I am busy here we will talk later”

“hahhaha little one, I will not be cast aside.”

“later”

“sit still my daughter and listen”

 

To be honest I hate sitting still and listening. I do not want to be corrected. I will gladly sit and be praised for good things but NOT corrected. A part of my personality that is not flattering.

 Then there is a negotiation that goes on,

“okay I have stopped trying to control where we are moving and when. I no longer check the e-mail and boards hourly. In fact I do not check them at all. SEE I LISTENED LAST TIME! I have not nagged Ryan or pushed him to be more assertive. I LISTENED! To be honest I truly don’t care anymore.”

“Silly girl, not caring is not the same as being content”

Then I hang my head in shame because I know, actually, I knew all along. That’s why I have been eating 2 whataburgers with cheese, a frosty (i don't even like frostys)and fries ( I even ate real bacon the other day… almost a whole pack). That is why I am never satisfied after a meal. Its why I have been sneaking extra food as the guilt laid heavy on my chest. I was not truly hungry I was trying to fill a void.

“you foolish girl sit still and be CONTENT” 

"content"

"yes, content in Me daughter"

the view at my table this morning

One of the things I love most about Bigger Hearts for His Glory is the amount of activities there are scheduled one of those is notebooking. Every 5 days or so in both history and science there is a project that combines things they have learned with art.

Today was a history notebooking where they drew the northern hemisphere from Europe to North America then colored and labeled it with Christopher Columbus's route. These are done by looking in a book and pretty much copying but it suits Summers need for art EVERY single day without being overwhelming for me. I love how these projects combine History, Geography, Handwriting and art. They take awhile but the conversation at the table is always educational umm interesting and sometimes there is a sweet silence as they work and their colored pencils scrape against the table.

First week of school

It was an answer to many many prayers.

Heart of Dakota isn't perfect but it fits well!

The open and go approach I was hoping for worked.

The days ran smoothly and were completed before lunch.

Learning was accomplished and laughter could be heard.

We even painted and are learning to play the recorder.

Can I just repeat a whole week with no tears!

There are some slight growing pains moving away from the workbooks.

Summer is no longer just filling in one word answers but she adapting quickly to the increased writing.

Millie is doing great but I need to re-evaluate her school. Wow that girl is a ready to go!

more later.......maybe

it never happens in "school"

 The "AHHA" moments never come during "school"

 They happen later..... hours days weeks but they do happen. They happen when the kids are playing. Like this morning when Emmett was kindly emptying my wallet for me and I asked Millie to pick up the contents and set it on the table. I found the contents of my wallet placed on the table organized first by size and shape then by color. Alright we can skip the sorting lessons I had planned for next month.

As a prideful person this is hard for me to accept. I want instant gratification. I want to introduce a concept see the light flash in their eyes as they perfectly accomplish the task the first time.

In this past year I have learned that it is much more meaningful and relevant to be able to see my children accomplish these tasks in their daily lives without coaching or coaxing from a over zealous mother.

Then came my AHHA moment my children's education doesn't stop because they have stepped away from the table. They learn all day every day through exploration and play.

a morning at the beach

You would think we would do this more but really there is only so much sand I can take a summer...

But this day was perfect!